i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
