shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize