Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
