I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize