2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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