i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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