drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
