I met the friendliest cop last night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
