She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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