I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
