the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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