I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sex in a hospital.. check
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
