What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
