how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
