watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
