just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
