Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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