Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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