True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
