Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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