No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?