I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
