Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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