who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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