you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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