He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.