ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot