It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
my poor anus
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
