Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.