and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize