So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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