yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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