I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
