"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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