yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
