Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
