his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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