I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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