Everything about him screamed your future.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
