Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
