im drinking this country out of the recession.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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