Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
