i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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