so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
