sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
