for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
