Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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