K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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