We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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