Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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