I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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