i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
