AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
