I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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