i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
