now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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