Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
