I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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