i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
