i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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