Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
