i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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