Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
