O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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