I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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