i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
