i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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