Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
